flu
i can feel it: no way you can escape getting sick when everybody around you is sick and it's terribly cold outside. anyway, this is not really why i'm sick, but because i've made a choice and i don't know if that's a right one. i voted for ichd, and this is the first time i'm cluless about the job i'm gonna do. i know i'm not dumb, but perhaps there are more challenges than i can handle...
it's been exactly 3 weeks i haven't heard from aram. it hurts, but i know i should go through this. i know that if he comes back, he'll be the one. but i know one thing as well: or rather i feel it: he won't. can't really say why though... for the nth time i'm wondering why i scare men off. i know god knows how i feel about the man, and if he does not do anything about it, he'll do it for smb else. i'm just so tired of waiting for this elusive smb, who's nowhere to be found.
i need to appear more confident... where's the fine line between confidence and modesty?
posted by areg @ 6:49 AM
2 Comments:
intuition confirmed...no matter how hard i tried to prepare, it came on me as a sharp blow. too classical of an example "I love you", "My heart is with smb else". why would it feel so painful after centuries of elaborations? why can't i be more verbal and assertive about my feelings? is it only about that asshole?
at least aram's really worth loving:-) wonder if there's any value in what these loves have produced...
and to summarize here's my series of aram dreams:
1. a tiny but crazy river is waving down a slope, bordered with rocks and green trees. aram and i are walking up the river heedless of the crazy noise it makes, and he's talking as usual. at a certain moment i feel his hand on my shoulder and burst into laughter inwardly: too unexpected tenderness:-) we're walking for a while, and then he removes his hand and i wake up...
the second was the world clock:-) still can't interpret it...
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