mémoires

the morning glass of red wine left me tipsy and smiley, staring at the computer monitor and thinking of everything but the work that's due today:-) i was very happy on friday. for no reason. unconcerned, uninvolved, detached. yesterday i wanted to remember seattle (not that i manage to forget it:-). but yesterday it was a conscious attempt to do so) ... so, where shall i start? when i ask myself what's my best memory of seattle, i end with with a collage of images, smells and sounds.

the walk on the bridge to the bus stop, passing by the florist's, closed studio, boutiques and restaurants... i think i remember every small detail on the way to the campus. it was different to be a woman, i can't really say how and why, and i guess it's absolutely unnecessary, but ... it was different and soooo overwhelming. for the first time in my life i felt complete. i felt my body swaying...i lived those few hours effortlessly. i saw that woman jogging, and for the first time in my life i was really proud for who i was at the moment. but the whole confidence was very fragile and i knew the moment he takes his hand away, i'll be my old incomplete self.

i love it when he approaches from behind and holds me in the waist:-) i loved waiting for him in the mall.

the flowers... trying to design a vase:-)

university mall and the outburst of laughter. of course i don't remember why we were laughing, but i still remember the loud and hearty laughter i could not stop:-)

the couch. i loved sinking in its softness. that's tenderness you can rely on:-)

i was so scared to see him at the airport. not that he's scary:-) i can't explain the feeling. antinomy of losing smth known and gaining smth unknown... i wanted to hold him so tight, but be somewhere totally different, somewhere where it would have been a-less, at the very moment i would be holding him...

planning the weeks:-) i'm such a not-planner:-))))))) i love to wake up and go to places, but i loved the way he was searching, the way we were trying to come up with an agenda for the vacation. it was funny, but i liked it:-)

noooooo, here's my best memory: the tiger t-shirt:-) that was my only consolation (no, this is not true, nothing was....) on long nights....

hospital waltz!!!!!!!! i don't want to write anything else. an image i'll carry with me all my life...

the garlic kiss:-) i still remember the thought roaming in my head while we were kissing: man, i think i like garlic. i don't:-) usually:-)

i like watching him when he's not aware of me. e.g. when he's preparing for a class. i liked it when we were doing the things we were used to do alone, when none of us had been involved in the process the other was engaged in, but then we happened to be doing the same things in the presence of the other. at first it was strange, but i guess i came to like this very strangeness...i never thought i could co-exist in the same room (bed:-)) with smb else...

the presents. i love the perfume. well, the others do as well:-) i had people asking me for the label, and i can't remember it:-) diadora? deandra? see?:-)

him reading that short story i could not listen to:-) he's a good reader.

there's more, but i'll leave it for tomorrow...