last night i read l'amoureuse... such a sensitive, tender poem. i think i've read eluard before, but have never felt this tenderness. this is my favorite part "...me font rire, pleurer et rire, parler sans avoir rien a dire". so simple, but so precise in describing the power of the feeling.

did i mention about 'coffee and cigarettes'? i loved the movie. a very rich material for socio- and psycholinguistics. it's simply amazing how easily we violate the beauty of language, how skillful we've turned in trapping those around us into the intricacies of linguistic nonsense...i love the scenes with coffee tables, the variations with coffee cups and ash-trays:-) i definitely want to watch another jarmusch movie!

I'm thinking how painful it is to tear away smth you've lived with and for for such a long time. but sometimes you've got to do with it if you need to go on...it's just amazing how a feeling may turn into a word, a stream of words, pour out in a creative flood and then dry out with no track whatsoever...

it's been for a while i'm thinking of a publication, but can't find any reason why i need it. absurd...i had this wonderful image yesterday for a full minute, maybe two:-) azure sea gliding smoothly and a white horizon extending far beyond the sea line...they start at a point i can feel near my eyes, then move slowly, incessantly towards somewhere endless... and an enormous, sensitive silence which you feel through the mesmerizing movement of the waves...there's movement everywhere but the image is static...

i feel so empty, it's not sad, just empty...

seems like my head is in the air floating by itself, unconcerned about the rest... i feel so awfully bad, can hardly wait to finish work. i'm trying to listen to bic runga, but in vein..can't concentrate on anything. have got a huge bulk of stuff ahead, but have never cared less. perhaps i need a little nap? no, no big thoughts for today...

snow

i was right, it's snowing. on days like this i always remember an old soviet ny postcard depicting a remote russian village, all covered in layers of snow, a little wooden hut with a tiny chimeny and smoke going up to the sky. i don't like winter but i love when it snows. it feels so warm, pure and tender:-)

today we're getting together with lori mafia:-) aram my drop in and i fear it so much that i guess all these negative vibs will eventually prevent him from joining us... and why am i such a chicken?

hmm, that jaques prevert poem i read the other day...if i were not so proud of reading it in french i'd thought i've lost all the taste i had developed so far for good poetry:-) maybe it's good to write about coffee, milk, a cup, a lit cigarette and ignoring smb at a breakfast but i guess i like at least a linguistic twist in a poem. it appeared as an egregious attempt of a haiku:-) the west can't boast of appreciating simplicity, so it should not attempt its artistic representation as well:-) ("a pundit" is how arthur would dub me for this statement:-))))))

personality

today we had a.h. over lunch, and later i was wondering how one's personality changes with the company. and not only the personality... or rather this change affects the interaction, the content of this interaction, one's behaviour.

i feel weird today, there have been times in my life i've had this feeling but could never really describe: you feel so open and detached at the same time, ominpotent but can't really focus on what's at hand at the moment to complete, sensitive but incommunicable... seems like there's smth that is ready to burst your veins open. and you know it will burn:-) bizarre:-)

we're having one of this crystal cold, suave misty days. guess will snow at night.

i love mondays

i really do... especially today...i wonder if love shines through:-) i'm reading glossolalia and man, i don't get half of it. though the comparison of the universe with the mouth was just beautiful. the dancer with the scarf:-) can you ever guess what that is? the air that puts all the organs into action to produce a sound:-) isn't this gorgeous?

haven't learnt any new word, but have learnt that there can't be anything sweeter than the God's smile:-)

Fri evening

Was an interesting day:-) Met Ruzan and we had a nice little chat. Learnt about Shushan. The power of internet:-))))))

The class yesterday was good. The pizza afterwards even better:-)

Learnt a lot from the chess reports and the jarmusch file today, the best one being hepcat, which means a person who is unusually aware of and interested in new and unconventional patterns.

I never thought I'd crave for learning new vocab:-)

this entry's evolving quite randomly... Might be tracy chapman...one quality i need desperately is ebullience. there needs to be a balance between the intensity of feelings and thoughts and their expressions:-) i need to find an appropriate can-opener (an archaic reference:-)

i already feel the itch for the jarmusch movie. have to see it.

one thing i dread is turning into a discontent, routine-bothered, complaining, desperate slut...

i was infected in the third grade. and the decease is called love (agape, philos, eros, all of these together:-)) i've never really dreamt of becoming smb (most of my friends wanted to become a doctor back then). the only thing i've been looking for is love. do dreams ever come true?

inside i'm a maverick, i've got emotions storming, adventures speeding up, poems being born...which of these needs to burst out?

it's a friday night but i'm not sure what i'll do. i've got to start dancing. that's the only tool i've got so far to help me eke out what's inside:-) (i'm not sure eke out works here:-)))))))) need a sound feedback on this:-))

i may do smth crazy. i can feel it:-)

I've got to run to the French class, but thought would manage a few lines:-) I was reading Paul Verlaine yesterday "Soleils Chouchant"... Beautiful, sad, diluted in a variety of hues...

Really got to go...

Winter day smelling of spring

We went out for couple of breathes of fresh air. It's overwhelming to stare at the monitor for 8 hours a day...

We're usually looking for a break and today it was granted with the alluring sight of bathing sparrows:-) A tiny pool of melted snow and two birds twittering and spatting drops of muddy slush into their feathers like crazy. Amid a sunny and nippy afternoon...

Life is good and will get better with ...


lovely-alluring
chirring - twittering
cold - chilling, nippy