flu

i can feel it: no way you can escape getting sick when everybody around you is sick and it's terribly cold outside. anyway, this is not really why i'm sick, but because i've made a choice and i don't know if that's a right one. i voted for ichd, and this is the first time i'm cluless about the job i'm gonna do. i know i'm not dumb, but perhaps there are more challenges than i can handle...

it's been exactly 3 weeks i haven't heard from aram. it hurts, but i know i should go through this. i know that if he comes back, he'll be the one. but i know one thing as well: or rather i feel it: he won't. can't really say why though... for the nth time i'm wondering why i scare men off. i know god knows how i feel about the man, and if he does not do anything about it, he'll do it for smb else. i'm just so tired of waiting for this elusive smb, who's nowhere to be found.

i need to appear more confident... where's the fine line between confidence and modesty?

rainy snow

no, no rainy snow. i'm gonna relate this weird dream i had last night about hamlet, my bridegroom-to-be:-) so, i see my own wedding, me in a tasteless wedding gown and loads of mud, constant rain and people all around, family that's extremely happy to marry me off to hamlet who's from athens. i do not manage to see the bridegroom, he's always somewhere around, but i never get to see him. so, smb leads me to where the wedding should start (can't remember any church though) and i'm almost to see the man, but i suddenly turn back and start running towards the exit. i ran out into the rain and then i remember telling my mom that it's just a whim, but i won't marry the guy. all are so unhappy, shoked that i seem to hesitate for a second. but only a second. i just claim that the marriage is impossible. period.

what on earth would this all mean?

ideal man

So, Dzyunik's asking what my ideal man should look like:-)

I don’t have an ideal man. Bizarre, but that’s the truth. Could have said looks like Jim Morrison, but I like Robin Williams (of course not the singer) as well:-)

I just know that my ideal man should be my man. There are things I’d like to see in the guy, but this is not essential once I know he’s the one. So, he should be without any pretence. Should be honest to himself and everybody else who crossed his path. Should definitely be able to be carried away with (a) music (b) a good movie (c) a flower (d) smth else:-) Should know how to talk less and make sense. Should be very empathetic. I’d love him to be a good dancer and teach me a move or two. Should be a natural in smth. Should have a sense of humor, otherwise I can’t bear his presence for more than 5 minutesJ Should love kids and always have time for them. Should create smth. Should be able to do little nice things once in a while. I’d prefer nice manners, but certain ‘wildness’ is essential. I love long hair, but again, boldness can be as sexy:-)